In The Penelope Standing Mysteries, Penelope and Jake acquire a mastiff through no fault of their own. Brutus is a lovely dog with a great personality, but he eats things. Food… Objets d’art… Pretty much anything.
Here are his all-time favorites:
10. Kibble – You might hope this would be closer to the top, but at least it made it onto the list. Brutus isn’t a picky eater, and he loves his kibble. Status: APPROVED
9. Unglazed clay – While this isn’t something a dog should really eat, it wasn’t sharp and everything was small enough to pass through without difficulty. On the positive side, it gave Jake a really good reason to get rid of a “family heirloom”. Status: NOT APPROVED, BUT SECRETLY APPRECIATED
8. Photographs – Brutus, buddy… Why? Still, this did turn out to be helpful in the end, and it’s essentially just paper. Status: NOT APPROVED, BUT OH WELL
7. Milk Bones Dog Biscuits – Yummier than kibble, and not a bad snack. Status: APPROVED
6. Anything on the grill – You thought you would just step away for two seconds to grab a plate from the table. That was a mistake. Status: NOT APPROVED, DANGIT!
5. Leftovers – It really is amazing how many leftovers nobody wants to eat end up on the floor where they are wolfed down in less than two seconds. Truly amazing. Status: NOT (OFFICIALLY) APPROVED. Oops!
4. Beer – Brutus found out aluminum cans were no match for his jaws, and unfortunately, he loved the taste of all three cans left in the six-pack. Luckily, no lasting harm was done. Lessons were learned (by Jake & Penelope — Brutus learned nothing). Beer is now locked up where no dog can get to it. Status: DEFINITELY NOT APPROVED
3. Pup-Peroni – These are essentially Slim Jim meat sticks for dogs, and just as likely to cause intestinal distress, if not introduced gradually. But Brutus will work for these, and even ignore his arch-enemy, the pug. Status: APPROVED
2. Socks – The stinkier, the better. If this doesn’t convince everyone to put their dirty clothes in the hamper, nothing will. So far, everything that has gone in one end has come out the other, but Jake & Penelope have been on “sock watch” too many times for comfort. Status: NOT APPROVED
1. Cat poop – Brutus has a healthy fear of cats themselves, but this has his vote for top treat. Yes, dogs are disgusting. Status: YUCK
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